Author: Michael DiPrisco

Navigating Shared Custody During the Holidays

The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for separated or divorcing parents, it can also bring unique challenges when it comes to custody arrangements. With some planning and communication, you can ensure that your child enjoys the holidays while you navigate the complexities of co-parenting.

Here are some helpful tips for separated parents dealing with custody during this festive time:

1. Communicate Early and Often

The key to successful co-parenting is open communication. As the holidays approach, discuss your plans with your co-parent as early as possible. This gives both of you the chance to express your ideas about how to celebrate and what the optimal schedule is for everyone. Also, be clear about travel plans, gift-giving traditions, or extended family gatherings, so everyone is on the same page. Aim for a cooperative spirit; after all, the goal is to create a happy experience for your child.

2. Create a Co-Parenting Plan

If you haven’t already established a co-parenting plan that outlines custody schedules, now is a great time to create one. This plan should specify how holidays, including Thanksgiving and Christmas, are handled. If one parent has the child on Christmas Day this year, consider alternating years or splitting the day to ensure both parents have time to celebrate.

3. Be Flexible and Creative

Sometimes sticking strictly to custody agreements may not be feasible. Be open to adjustments. For instance, if your child has an event at one parent’s house but is scheduled to be with the other parent, find ways to accommodate the situation. This might involve swapping days or extending visitation hours. Flexibility can help alleviate stress for everyone involved. A balanced approach doesn’t mean splitting everything 50/50. Some holidays may require more flexibility depending on travel plans, extended family gatherings, or work schedules. Be open to negotiating when needed to create a win-win situation for both sides and, most importantly, for the children. Be sure to document those agreements in writing!

4. Prioritize Your Child’s Needs

Remember that your child’s happiness should be your priority. While it can be easy to get caught up in your own plans and feelings, remember that the holidays can be an emotional time for children, especially as they adjust to life with separated parents. Some children may feel overwhelmed by the back-and-forth of shared custody during the holidays. Maintaining a sense of normalcy and tradition can help them feel secure.

5. Create New Traditions, Maintain Existing Ones

If it’s your first holiday season apart, creating new traditions or keeping familiar ones (like decorating the tree or baking cookies) can give your kids something to look forward to and make them feel more comfortable in the transition. You will create new versions of existing holiday traditions!

6. Set Boundaries and Stay Civil

Navigating shared custody during the holidays requires cooperation and mutual respect. It’s essential to set boundaries with your ex in order to maintain a peaceful co-parenting relationship. Avoid engaging in personal conflicts or reliving the past, especially when your kids are around. Keep conversations civil and child-focused to ensure the holidays stay stress-free for everyone.

7. Remember to Take Care of Yourself

While the holidays are often about family, it’s also critical to focus on your own self-care during this time. Coping with the pressures of co-parenting and being away from your children can be draining, so be sure to take time to recharge. Foster connections with friends, family, or support groups who can offer emotional support during the holiday season. If your schedule is especially hectic, allow yourself some downtime for self-care. Whether it’s enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, quiet reading time, a happy hour with friends, or taking a walk, giving yourself the grace to relax can make a big difference.

8. Focus on the Bigger Picture

Ultimately, the holiday season is about making memories and fostering meaningful connections. It’s okay if things don’t go perfectly—what matters most is creating positive, lasting experiences for your children and ensuring that they feel loved and supported by both parents. Whether you have your children for part of the time or for the entire day, make it special. Share the joy of the season, even if it’s in a slightly different way than you might have in the past.

Co-parenting during the holidays may require compromise, patience, and thoughtful planning. But with clear communication, respect, and a focus on your and your children’s needs, you can navigate the holidays with less stress and more joy.

Our lawyers can help you navigate co-parenting schedules and custody arrangements during holidays. Our support is tailored to each client’s unique situation, helping parents facilitate open communication to establish a fair and flexible parenting plan that accommodates all traditions and celebrations.

What’s This Every Other Weekend Thing Even All About? A Song About Separated Parents from the Perspective of the Child. – By Tyler E. Kaestner, Esq.

By Tyler E. Kaestner, Esq.

Country music singer Luke Combs’ new song “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” delivers a rare perspective. Written from the point of view of a child, the song describes the emotions and desires of coming to terms with his parent’s separation, and that his Dad is no longer living with him and his Mom.

The song begins by the Child recalling how he caught a foul ball at a baseball game, had it autographed by a player, and cherished it. He then shifts to talking about having to play ball with himself, and calling his dad to tell him he misses him, before asking if his Dad will take him out to the ballgame. The Chorus and second verse leave all pretenses behind – asking “what’s this every other weekend thing even all about?” – representing a common partial custody schedule that this Child is seemingly experiencing with his dad.

The Child in the song goes on to say that his Mom says she still loves his Dad, and in some way always will, and blames himself for his parents not being together: “I’m so sorry I was bad, I promise I’ll be better.” At the end of the second verse, the Child negotiates with his Dad: “cause I just wanna see you, and if you’ll come back, you don’t have to… take me out to the ballgame.”

The Child in this song clearly does not understand the adult complications in his parent’s relationship, he does not understand why his dad can not just pick him up from the house at any time, and ultimately, he just wants to be a kid and go see a baseball game.

Certainly, there are plenty of valid reasons and circumstances as to why the Child can not see his Dad regularly, and why the Child should not know about adult topics. However, what his song reveals is the innocence, confusion, and insecurity of a Child dealing with his world turning upside down. Sometimes, that perspective is lost in the middle of custody litigation.

While a lawyer’s duty is to advocate for his client, first and foremost, courts must consider the best interests of the child in determining a custody schedule. A family lawyer can help connect these interests, to ensure that the parent he represents, and the child, have a strong, loving relationship – which may be best served by allowing the other parent to come by for an extra visit if it helps the child transition to a new normal.

This is such an impactful song that I think every parent going through a custody dispute should listen to. It might just make your Child’s whole week if they could go to that ballgame with their other parent.